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I cannot tell you how many times I’ve heard people voice their hesitations about therapy to the tune of:

“I just don’t think it’s helpful to rehash the past. So-and-so has done therapy for years and now they’re…. different.” Obviously implying it’s not a pleasant “different.” People even worry that a therapist may brainwash them into believing false things about their past or who is to blame for their pain.

I think I’m pretty smart, but I know I am not a genius. So, I’m really not likely to trick you. At least not on purpose. And, truly, I don’t have a hidden agenda to blame all boomers for millennials’ depression. I just don’t. It was actually hammered into me in school that clients are the experts on themselves (not me!) and it’s unethical to steer a client to my own conclusion.

If you were a new client of mine I would just ask lots of questions, I would care about you, I would be with you when feelings came up and at some point along our journey together you may, of your own accord, find yourself saying something like:

“I hate that I bought a fast car because it was easier than paying attention to the recurring memory of my parents screaming at each other.”

Or

“I wish I still thought this feeling in my body was ADHD, not the discomfort and hate I feel towards my own body.”

Or

“Yeah, I guess there is a pattern to my panic attacks. I thought for years they were random. They come when something makes me feel eight years old again.”

Or

“I can’t believe I thought I was stupid my entire life. Of course I couldn’t do math homework when I knew Mom wanted to be dead.”

If I tried to feed you any of these answers when they were, in fact, just erroneous conclusions I pulled out of my magical therapy hat, you would feel that immediately. It would feel phony. On that note, if I even suggested something true too early in your process you may reject it just the same. When something comes up for a client in the right place and at the right time, they just FEEL it. Like intuition or a gut feeling, it hits different. These truths that often emerge for people in therapy are not simply the most logical option on a multiple choice survey. Our souls know so much more than our brains alone.

So what I’m saying is, it’s not my job to interpret your life. And maybe it’s true that as we work through the past (when necessary to relieve present symptoms) we sometimes get things wrong or remember details differently. But, speaking for myself, my experience in therapy has made me feel the most at peace (eventually) and the most ME I’ve ever felt. I am healthier than ever and so are my relationships.

We (therapists) aren’t fortune tellers. Turns out a lot can change when someone gives you permission to feel your feelings and tell your story. And if you haven’t put it all together yet, here’s the best part: If you can find the right people to surround yourself with, you don’t even need us. 💗

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