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It’s okay not to feel okay.

Bleh.

I hear that saying all the time. I get the sentiment. But I hate that saying. Actually, it really sucks not to be okay. It’s one of the shittiest parts of life. Furthermore, I’d like to be much more than okay. I don’t want to just get back to okay. I want to feel the rapture and joy of being alive. Not the rapture of okay.

One of the major findings of my mental health journey was discovering I had convictions and beliefs about myself that were directly preventing me from experiencing my highest joy. My anxiety was trying to tell me that I held limiting beliefs about myself.

Anxiety is a symptom of many different afflictions. It’s not the same for everyone. I understand that. For me, it was a messenger that my inner perceptions and convictions were misplaced. When I was finally able to examine what I was so anxious about, it provided me with a set of convictions and perceptions that needed to change.

Examining the process now from some distance, I can see that the times I was not okay were actually my inner self providing instruction on how to be much better than okay. It was sending a message about the bullshit I believed that was keeping me okay. It was sending me two steps backward so that I could take ten steps forward. I was at the end of the path that my convictions and perceptions could take me. They needed to be re-aligned in order to progress. Severe anxiety was the result. A message from my inner self that it was time to change. Once I did change, I was able to access new levels of joy.

Ecstasy comes from the Greek words ex stasis. It means to stand outside oneself. Some part of my soul/subconscious/higher self knew that was my birthright. More joy than I could contain. Being removed from that joy became unbearable, and my body responded with severe anxiety—or a very unpleasant messenger saying I believed lies about myself.

Once I did the work to replace the fear and inauthenticity inside of myself with love and authenticity, ecstasy was the result. More joy than my body could contain. When I think about the people who have appeared in my life since I started to heal, I can barely contain my joy. Some of my authentic people have always been by my side, I’m lucky that way. Nonetheless, when my radio was broadcasting an authentic signal of who I was, many more of my people found me.

One of my favorite thoughts in life is that you have not yet met all the people you will love. Being full of authenticity and love attracts those people to us. I’m a connector. My ecstasy comes from others. No matter what your ecstasy is, doing your work frees you up to receive it.

The result of doing your work is not merely being okay. The result is ex stasis. More joy than your body can contain.

Do your work. Discover your ecstasy. Not being okay is the messenger.

In the West the word ecstasy is likely to evoke thoughts of X-rated movies. But this very misunderstood term comes from the root ex stasis—to stand outside oneself. If I say, “I am ecstatic! I am simply beside myself!” I mean that I am filled with an emotion too powerful for my body to contain or my rational mind to understand. I am transported to another realm in which I am able to experience ecstasy.

Robert A. Johnson
Ecstasy: Understanding the Psychology of Joy

 

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