How to Feel Disappointed
Take a seat
Take a breath
Hold your sensations
Like you would hold a warm cup of tea
Like a mother holds a child
With a knee freshly scraped
Disappointment is not an easy feeling
It’s not a people pleasing feeling
That doesn’t mean you have to leave it
Your inner child sits with quivering lip
“Hold me, hold me
Teach me how to feel disappointed.”
Like the last leaf of a barren tree
Is suspended above the frosted ground
Suspend the intellect that speaks of
Problematic expectations
The urge to fix
Embracing cycles
Honoring endings
And finding silver linings
Let. That. All. Wait.
Pause your criticisms and condemnations
Fault cannot substitute what needs to be felt
It makes sense for the tears to fall as your hopes did
Sometimes the disappointment is so big
And there are so many tears
It seems as though a garden will grow from
The pillow that catches
The sacred water of disappointment
And someday, maybe one will
But for now
Let a friend or pet or favorite song
Walk beside you
As you kick through the mud of
“Oh no!” And “Dear god, why?”
Before you get wrapped up with questions
Some with answers, some without
Get wrapped in a hug that holds you up
It’s ok to feel like you can’t stand it
It’s ok for your knees to soften
Or buckle beneath the
Loads of disappointment
Disappointment points to hopes and desires
Unmet because life
Unmet because death
Unmet because they didn’t want to
Or didn’t know how
Unmet because we didn’t want to
Or because we couldn’t
Unmet is unmet is unmet
And it can matter why
Just not yet
Meet yourself here, in the disappointment
Disappointment is not a static feeling
It’s a dynamic feeling
It needs spaciousness and patience
It may change with time
It might BE the change
Or the reason
To catalyze forgiveness
It may become growth
And make sense
It may become “Thank God”
And “Big Magic”
Your disappointments may make meaning
And make love
And make a new cake
Your biggest disappointments
May become the night you met
The ointment that heals
And “it’s all a gift”
And they may not
They may not
Dearest,
And this is the most important part
You are not a disappointment
All of life is not disappointing
You are simply learning
How to feel disappointed