I’ve spent the past 25 years of my life helping people overcome addictions to drugs and alcohol. And I can tell you that every single one of them has suffered from the same problem:
They didn’t love themselves.
If you find that hard to believe, consider this:
When I begin working with a new client, I always ask that client to think of someone they truly love. This person could be a child, a niece or nephew, a sibling, or even just a friend. When the client has that person in mind, I then ask them if they would ever offer that person their own drug of choice.
As you can imagine, the answer is always the same:
“Hell no.”
“Why not?” I ask.
And again, the answer is always the same.
“Because I love them and I would never want that for them,” they reply.
And so I ask, “Then WHY are you giving that drug to yourself?”
We can never achieve what we truly want when we don’t love ourselves. This is the very reason why a lack of self-love so often leads to addiction.
To love yourself is to be kind to yourself. To respect and have confidence in yourself.
And please understand that when I say “confidence,” I do not mean “arrogance.”
Confidence comes from within. Confidence is built on one’s love, respect, and belief in one’s self.
Arrogance is external. It’s driven by a desire to make up for personal shortcomings and justify one’s self to others.
And this is an issue that reaches well beyond addiction. Most of the problems we create come from not respecting and loving ourselves.
When we don’t respect ourselves, we unconsciously expect others to treat us poorly. And when they do, we confirm and further our belief that we don’t deserve any better.
So when you talk to yourself … what do you say?
Do you put yourself down? Do you express doubt and provide reminders of all of the reasons why you shouldn’t believe in yourself?
If you do (and we all do at one point or another), compare that to how you talk to someone you truly love.
See the difference?
When you speak to someone you love, you don’t actively try to put them down. You strive to build them up. To support them. To show them respect and love. Even though you may be aware of their faults, you choose to focus on their strengths and accomplishments. As Tupac Shakur said:
“We wouldn’t ask, ‘why?’ to a rose that grew from the concrete for having damaged petals, in turn, we would all celebrate its tenacity, we would all love its will to reach the sun. Well, we are the roses, this is the concrete, and these are my damaged petals. Don’t ask me, ‘why?’ Thank God, and ask me ‘how?’.”
Loving yourself is the key to avoiding and overcoming addictive behaviors. And it’s also so much more.
Love of Self is the key to achieving and having the life you truly want.
And this isn’t merely a vague concept. In fact, there are five practical reasons you should start loving yourself, right now.
- When you love yourself, you invest in yourself.
This is true with mind, body, and spirit. When you love yourself, you will accept nothing less than what you believe you are worth.
You will eat better, exercise more. Why? Because you will believe you deserve to be healthy and strong.
You will fill your soul with worthwhile materials as opposed to wasting time on passive garbage. Why? Because you will believe you deserve to better your mind.
You will surround yourself with people who treat you with love and respect. Why? Because you will believe that you deserve it.
And as you develop a Love of Self, you will overcome addictions. I have watched it happen, time and time again.
- When you love yourself, you work harder.
Nothing keeps us from achieving our goals more than an unwillingness to work for them. And that unwillingness is always built on the belief that we are either incapable of making our goals happen or undeserving of them.
But when you respect yourself enough to believe that you can turn your goal into your reality and — more importantly — that you deserve it, you will be more likely to do the work necessary to achieve it.
- When you love yourself, you attract the same.
The Law of Attraction. Like attracts like. It’s more than a concept. It’s a universal truth. We are attracted to people that are like ourselves and we, in turn, attract people to us that are like ourselves.
And when we don’t love ourselves … we attract the same. We draw people into our lives who don’t treat themselves well and don’t believe they should treat us any differently.
But imagine a life filled only with people who love and respect themselves — love and respect you. This type of existence is by no means unrealistic. It’s exactly the type of life you can and will have when you love yourself.
In fact, you’ll not only attract people who are like you — you’ll draw those who aspire to be like you. Who look up to you. Who admire your Love of Self and seek to develop the same.
- When you love yourself, you will feel more at peace.
Conflict is the antithesis of peace. And so it follows that inner conflict is the enemy of inner peace.
But when you love and believe in yourself, you will trust yourself. You will make decisions with more confidence. And even when those decisions don’t work out the way you want them to, you’ll have the peace of mind that comes from knowing that you’re making good choices.
And those choices will, indeed, be good. Because they’ll be based on love and respect. They’ll be decisions made by a higher standard.
This isn’t just a moral formula; it’s a practical one. It works because it works. Once you unburden yourself from the belief that you are less-than or undeserving, peace of mind and healthy choices naturally follow and abound.
- When you love yourself, you add value to the world.
Ferdinand Foch, a French soldier, writer, and supreme commander of Allied forces during the First World Word said it perfectly:
“The most powerful weapon on
earth is the human soul on fire.”
Consider that. And understand that it is true.
There is no greater force in the world than an impassioned soul. And this is something that every single one of us can achieve.
When you love and believe in yourself, you’ll add value to the world. In fact, you won’t be able to help it. Your Love of Self will lead you to make positive decisions. Those decisions will produce positive results in your life and in the lives of those around you.
Your Love of Self will become contagious. It will grow. It will fill the world. You will share your Love of Self with others. And others will love you for it.
You can have all of this. You can achieve all of this. The life you want is not only within your reach, it’s no further away than the decisions you make today.
Just practice Love of Self every day. If you don’t believe it at first, keep working at it. With time and practice, your Love of Self will develop. It will take hold. It will grow.
And you will have the life you want. The life you deserve.
