Remember the classic ‘80s film E.T.—the movie about a little alien accidentally left behind on Earth who, with the help of his human friends, constructs a communication device to send a signal light-years away to his alien family? The plan succeeds, the message is sent, and his family comes to the rescue. Sad for his Earth friends, good for E.T. And from that moment on, we may never collectively forget the line:
“E.T., phone home.”
If only it were still that challenging to reach the far corners of the galaxy…
A Quick Trip Down Memory Lane
Let’s revisit the boundaries that used to exist between our evening hours and our operating systems. There was a time—not so long ago—when…
- Banking required an in-person visit (and, occasionally, a pleasant chat with a teller).
- Bills were paid by writing a check and mailing it.
- Invitations were sent on paper and RSVPs were received in person or through the mail (no instant read receipts, no passive-aggressive follow-ups).
- Grocery lists were written on actual paper—and, tragically, sometimes lost.
Old limitations in technology created natural boundaries for how we connected with loved ones and the word…
- Letters were written to family across the world (and you had time to craft a meaningful response).
- Phone calls could only be taken when you were physically attached to a wall — and one call per household at a time.
- Voicemails were left on an actual machine, and you had to be physically present to retrieve them.
- You took a photo, crossed your fingers, and waited weeks for the print lab to develop it.
- The news arrived in the form of a newspaper (remember the crossword section?) or a scheduled TV segment.
Now?
- You can check your Ring camera from anywhere to monitor critical developments, like raccoon break-ins.
- If you choose to share, every friend you’ve ever known can weigh in on what you had for breakfast.
- Co-workers can reach you across time zones through a dozen communication platforms, all of which you’re apparently required to be active on.
- You can pose a dozen times for a dozen pictures, to get the right shot, and then spend minutes if not hours editing said photos until they are exactly right to share across platforms and you might still receive criticism in the comments.
- You can send video messages, voice memos, Snapchats, and bombard your friends with every bathroom break discovery, like yet another dog cuddling with a cow video.
Thus, many people are experiencing overwhelm from:
- Notifications that never stop.
- Unread messages that haunt your inbox like ghosts of expectations unmet.
- The pressure to respond instantly.
- The temptation to distract yourself from emotions and choose instead an endless stream of entertainment.
- News from around the world, all the time, everywhere.
- Comments from complete strangers who need you to know that what you ate for breakfast is deeply offensive to them.
The Slow Creep of Convenience
The progress is astounding! And with the with it comes a quiet, unrelenting cost.
Because here’s the thing—sometimes, notifications bring great messages. Sometimes, they’re devastating. And sometimes, they’re just… meh. But the moment you unlock your phone—whether before your head hits the pillow or in the first moments after you wake up—you’re playing an energetic game of Russian Roulette.
Will it be heartwarming? Infuriating? Anxiety-inducing? Life-altering?
There’s no way to know. And yet, we keep pulling the trigger.
Which might leave you feeling…
- Obligated.
- Exhausted.
- Burnt out.
- Overwhelmed.
- Defensive.
- Distracted
- Literally dreaming about unanswered work emails.
- Brushing your teeth to the rhythm of another death count.
Yes, there are real problems in the world. No, you don’t likely need to know them the moment you wake up. In fact, doing so most likely reduces your ability to creatively and consciously ACT in a way that serves the greater good.
You hold in your hand a powerful miniature computer that connects you to everyone, everywhere, and to every task within a millisecond.
Convenient? Yes.
Limits? None.
- The newspaper has no last page.
- The television series can be revisited on demand.
- There is no busy dial tone.
- The bank has no virtual closing hours.
- Shopping can be done and delivered 24/7.
- And “in case of emergency you can reach me at” is now just… ALL THE DAMN TIME.
Which is why, my dearests, I’m suggesting;
E.T. No Phone.
There are a lot of different aspects of screen hygiene I could cover — like how to get your news without any added drama, or how to manipulate the “suggested” section of your social feed.
Today I’m starting with the practice I have found the most effective for creating strong boundaries and reaping major benefits.
NO PHONE TIME, ONE HOUR PRIOR TO BEDTIME AND ONE HOUR AFTER WAKING UP.
Why You Are Worth It
You are worthy of nurturing yourself to sleep and into wakefulness.
You are worthy of feeling calm.
You are worthy of being unreachable—of creating time and space to slow down at night and wake up mindfully, fully present to your own sensations and feelings.
Self-soothing isn’t just a luxury—it’s a necessity. It supports a healthy immune system, reduces stress, and helps synchronize your body with its natural circadian rhythm.
This is a gift you can give yourself.
If you were raised in a home where rocking, stories, songs, or snuggles were offered as part of your bedtime and morning routine, then your body might feel very disoriented or off rhythm without similar self-nurturing.
If you never received that kind of soothing as part of an evening or morning routine, this is an opportunity to reparent yourself, and give yourself this nurturing gift.
How to Make the Change
I’ll be the first to admit: I have terrible discipline when it comes to my phone. If it’s within reach, I’ll compulsively check in—sometimes without even realizing.
So I don’t bring my phone into my bedroom. At all. I realize this is a luxury, because I have other spaces in my home dedicated to work and entertainment. So leaving your phone out of your room isn’t a requirement, it’s a suggestion.
If you want to create a phone free space, here’s how:
- Communicate your new boundaries. Let the people in your life know that you won’t be available immediately before bed or right after waking. No, you haven’t been kidnapped—you’re just reclaiming your peace.
- Get a real alarm clock. The kind that only tells time. The kind that doesn’t tempt you with unread messages, news updates, or late-night doom scrolling.
- Remove devices from your bedroom. If possible, keep your phone in another room entirely. (I recognize this is a privilege—I have an office to work in, which makes this easier. Find what works for your space.)
- Consider a landline for emergencies. If you have family members who might need to reach you in an emergency, elderly parents who you support, or children living outside of the home, old-school solutions still exist. I’ve lived through enough emergency calls to know for myself, I do need to be reachable to my closest family, even in the middle of the night.
Know Yourself.
My husband is a firefighter. When he’s home, he’s home. He gets few work messages, has little interest in social media, has inherent responding boundaries with friends and family, and effortlessly honors his phone-free morning and bedtime routine. He can use his phone’s alarm clock without falling into the digital vortex. My man has healthy screen hygiene. This article is not for him.
I, on the other hand? Absolutely not.
Without conscious boundaries, I’ll pick up my phone to turn off the alarm and soon find myself reading my best friend’s text report about her previous date night, before I’ve even blinked the sleep out of my eyes!
Which is why knowing yourself is key.
If you can’t resist the pull of your phone—remove the temptation.
What to Do With the Space You Create
Once you set the boundary, you have an opportunity to replace the habit with something more nurturing.
Consider:
- A nightly tea ceremony to help signal bedtime.
- Stretching or gentle movement.
- Listening to soothing music.
- Hugs and snuggles from a pet or loved one.
- A breathing practice in the morning.
- Sitting by a window to let natural light in—or use a sun lamp.
- Watering your plants and taking a moment to connect with them.
- A morning walk to wake up your body and mind.
- Contrast therapy
- Self Massage
- Playing your musical instrument
- Journaling
- Gratitude shares with a child or partner
The goal isn’t just to remove the phone—it’s to create space for something better. Something that actually nourishes you, rather than just numbing or stimulating you.
We have so little control over what is going on in our lives and in the world. This is a small way to utilize the power we DO have.
Technology has done incredible things. It has made us reachable, visible, and connected! But it has also made us feel responsible for all of it. Every text, notification, every bit of breaking news, so many expectations.
Maybe, just maybe, the most radical thing you can do in a world that never stops buzzing is… reclaim a little silence.
A little time.
A little space that belongs only to you.
Reclaim your brain.
Reclaim your nervous system. Your focus. The quality of your attention.
Start with a single hour, before and after bed.
I bet, a little something, changes for the better.
