The Quiet Ache of Skin Hunger
She tried filling the sensation with food
She tried numbing the sensation with alcohol
She tried running off the sensation, 26.2 grueling miles
She tried heat and cold exposure, shocking the sensation out of her system
She even tried BECOMING a sensation, thousands of fans and followers
But nothing quelled the sensation of needing the sensation
Of touch
Our bodies ache for safe touch and affection like our bellies ache for nourishment. While words of loving affirmation can help build intellectual confidence, physical affection is often what instills a deep, embodied sense of being lovable and worthy. When starved for physical touch, one might LOOK like they have it all together while struggling with a FELTsense of love and worthiness. Physical touch and affection help us connect our mind and body; “I think I am lovable” to “I feel love and lovable”.
Touch is also a primary way our nervous system regulates stress, safety, and connection. Without enough nurturing touch, the body may remain in a heightened state of tension, making it harder to relax, feel grounded, or experience a sense of belonging. So in our busy world of virtual meetings and giving a double tap on your screen as a sign of affection instead of a hug, a pat on the back, or a high five, many of us experience what psychologists refer to as, “skin hunger”.
Skin hunger is the longing for nurturing, non-sexual touch—hugs, hand-holding, a reassuring hand on the back. It is deeply tied to nervous system regulation, attachment, and emotional well-being. Without enough touch, we may feel disconnected, restless, or even unworthy. In a world that often reserves physical connection for romantic relationships, self-love must also include learning how to nourish touch in individual and communal ways.
I’d like to honor individuals who have trauma with abuse or boundary violations, which can make seeking and receiving touch complicated, even when the need is present. I’d also like to outline a path of hope and healing for those with limited access to interpersonal touch. Here are some suggestions for satiating skin hunger individually. These practices seem simile, yet, they can have a significant impact on your felt sense of self love, provide more safety in the body, and enhance your feelings of worthiness.
Healing Touch Individually
- Self-Massage & Sensory Rituals – Give yourself a hand or foot soak followed by self massage. Engage your senses by using essential oils and listening to music. Don’t multi-task, give yourself time and attention!
- Weighted blankets can be deeply soothing, and come in a variety of weights for your preference. Wrap yourself up like a burrito and get cozy, allowing the gentle pressure to ease your physical stress.
- Movement-Based Touch – Practices like yoga, dance, or even foam rolling provide a way to experience touch through movement.
- Mindful Presence with Your Body – Place a hand over your heart or stomach while breathing deeply, acknowledging your presence and physical existence.
- If it’s within your resources, booking a massage or scalp treatment, facial, foot zoning, etc, can provide safe and enjoyable touch.
Healing Skin Hunger in Friendship
*Always ask and offer consent when engaging in interpersonal touch.
- Hugging Culture – Normalize hugs with friends, even brief ones. A six-second hug has been shown to release oxytocin, the bonding hormone.
- Affectionate Gestures – A hand squeeze, linking arms, or sitting close can offer warmth without forcing intimacy.
- Shared Physical Activities – Partner stretches, dance, or even cooking together can create organic opportunities for touch.
Loving yourself isn’t just about how you speak to yourself—it’s also about how you care for your body’s innate need for connection. Touch is not a luxury; it is a language. And in learning to speak it, we open ourselves to deeper belonging, both within and with others.
